By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
I have a confession to make. I’ve almost always dated younger men. My boyfriend in Jr. High and High School was a year younger, my boyfriend in my early twenties was three years younger, but it wasn’t until I was thirty-six that I dated a young man who was more than a decade younger than I am. In fact, he’s eleven and a half years younger than I am (to be exact).
This was five years ago, before Demi and Ashton and the Desperate Housewives made it so hip and cool to go for younger men. But now it’s all the rage, and let me tell you, younger men have a lot more to offer than you might have previously imagined. Let me share just a few of the benefits with you:
They’re interested in hearing about your life experiences rather than just having you as an audience for theirs.
Most of them can dance – all night if you want to.
Many of them can cook and use a vacuum.
They bring their own condoms, and expect you to have your own as well.
They’ll surprise you in bed – especially orally, and how clever they are with their hands.
They can turn you on to great new music, and they still love seeing it live.
They’re open to new experiences, whether learning to cook, seeing a new band, or hiking to that spot you read about with the amazing wild flowers.
Unless you’re going after the truly young most of them aren’t boys, they’re men, even though they can refer to themselves as kids.
But if you’re new to this type of dating arena it can be a little scary to jump into. Here’s the primer I wish someone would’ve given me ahead of time:
Where to Find Them
The easiest place to find younger men is on Internet dating sites, and dance clubs, but basically you can find them everywhere – you just have to open your eyes, and your mind to it.
They’re Not Looking for a Mother; They’re Looking For a Lover
This, of course, should be obvious to us but often it’s not. In fact, they’re not only NOT looking for a mother (if they are run fast, nothing kills a sex life faster) they’re usually not looking for an older sister either. The reason for the relationship is chemistry and similar interests just like all good sexual/romantic relationships. Base it on that, not how you can be helpful to them.
Yes, Some Will Only Want Sex
Yep, some younger men will only be interested in you for the sex. What you do about this is up to you. But just remember, some men your age and older only want sex as well so really there’s no difference.
Be Current, Not Desperate
So many of us get stuck in an era and forget to update our appearance. If you want to date younger men who have it going on (rather than just computer geeks you have to drag out of the house) you need to take a good hard look at yourself. If you’re stuck in a previous era’s hey day it’s time to update your look from head to toe, and that includes your lingerie.
No, you’re not trying to be Paris Hilton, in fact it’s important not to look like you’re trying too hard. You’re going for hip and sophisticated, not the absolutely latest look all the kids are raving over.
Don’t Lie About Your Age
It’ll only get you into trouble, especially if you’re past the age of wanting to, or being able to, have children. There are a lot of young men out there looking to get married and start a family. There’s nothing worse than someone falling in love with you and believing that can have one type of future together when in fact it can’t happen.
So be open about your age. It’s better to receive compliments for looking great rather than having them find your driver’s license later and find out they’ve been duped.
Once He Knows How Old You Are Drop the Subject
Once they’ve shown their interest, and know how old you are, drop the subject and accept their interest and desire with as much grace as you can must. If you’re insecure about the difference in your age you need to buck up and accept it if he has. Really, you just have to get over yourself. Female insecurity (over our weight, shape, breast size, age, etc.) drives men crazy. They hate how we can’t accept their compliments and desire. Be a big girl and show him you can.
Don’t Buy Him
In many cases a younger man may be just as financially well off as you are. But if it’s the case where you earn more let him pay for those things he can. You might have to buy dinner at a particularly chic restaurant, but let him buy the drinks, and sometimes you need to have a night out on the town at his level. Open your mind to new experiences and enjoy the ride.
Yes, you can buy him nice things but move forward cautiously. He’s an adult, and unless he’s looking for a free ride (in which case I’d run), if you buy him too many things, and pay for all your dates, he’s going to feel like a kept man and it’ll probably creep him out.
He’ll Expect You to Know What You Want in Bed
Even if your marriage of the past ten years was short on sexual union a younger man will expect you to come into the bedroom being able to tell him what you want him to do – and most of them will be very open to hearing it. Even if, in fact, you’ve had less sexual experience than he’s had, he’s still going to expect you to tell him what you want.
Remember, no matter how hip and cool he is he’s not a mind reader. Do your best to swallow your fear and your inhibitions and let him know what you think it’ll take to rock your world. If you don’t know now’s the time to brush up on the subject and figure it out – and yes, chances are he’ll enjoy helping you with that homework lesson too.
